Date:	2007-09-26 13:33
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	annoyed
Music:	anberlin

its totally not fair. i wish that this would have happened this time last year. i would have gotten the boy that i want,


live it. 
love it.

Date:	2007-09-08 16:02
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	apathetic
Music:	brand new - welcome to bangkok

i have a headache. i don't feel motivated to write my paper. my mom probably won't let me go to thailand next winter break. i really miss my friends from home.

fall break can't come soon enough!!

live.
love.

Date:	2007-07-25 22:18
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative
Music:	incubus

i want to plan a trip for next summer or even the summer after. i feel like i need to see the country/ the world before i enter the realm of the real world. who is going with me? any suggestions on where to go? there isnt anywhere that is off limits!!

live.
love.

baby, i'm bad news.

people are fucking stupid.
get a hobby and prioritize.
there is more to life than your problems at the fucking community pool.

why do i still freak out when he even tries to contact me?
you wouldnt think that it would bother me after over a year!!
what the fuck?!
is this normal?
someone please tell me that im not crazy.
i don't know what i'm feeling right now.

live.
love.

Date:	2007-05-20 16:12
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy
Music:	jack johnson

i'm totally ready for summer. i have seen so many people in the last week the i haven't seen in forever...its makes me very nostalgic. thats what summer is about; hanging out with old friends, making new ones and causing some trouble. i have a feeling this summer is going to be crazy fun. i think we all deserve it.
:)

live life!
love life!


p.s. - jack's mannequin was awesome! i can't wait to go see more shows this summer!!

i just got back from my interview to work with the crazies.
i'm not exactly sure what kind of impression i made since it was only 20 minutes long and the questions that were asked were totally meant to be bullshited. i hope that i get the placement that i want even though she already said that it will be a pain in the ass for me to get a qualified supervisor willing to take me on. whatever...as long as it all goes through. it's scary to think that this is one step closer to being a big girl in the real world...i still feel like im 12...i kinda miss being 12 haha.
im soo ready to be home! its time for a workfilled summer because when i balanced my checkbook it was quite a shocker...and to think that i may buy a car soon...i need to get a job that pays more!!! or maybe 4 jobs so i wont sleep at alll...oh well, at least ill be at home.


live.
love.

Date:	2007-04-11 22:56
Subject:	i want to be somebody...
Security:	Public
Mood:	peaceful
Music:	rhcp- tell me baby

i attending a lecture today by the former president of ireland. it was amazing how many things that she has done with her life and how inspiring that her words were. i want to be able to do half the things that she has done with her life. hearing her words makes me want to see the world and make a difference. i think that human rights is an important issue that affects all of us...its just a matter of recognizing it. i thought that maybe i wanted to do somethings on an international level after my trip to ireland but then after some thinking i decided that i am better if i use my resources and skills on a more individual and group level. i would only wish to accomplish half the things that this woman has in a my lifetime. i just wish money and time werent conflicting issues...i would start now. i guess that its time to do small things to make a difference in the world. im soo ready to be someone to somebody....you can take that any way you want to interpret that.

live!!
love you all.

Date:	2007-04-09 23:14
Subject:	ready for something new...
Security:	Public
Mood:	hopeful
Music:	something corporate- hurricane

so i think that i am totally ready for a new phase in my life. a phase where i know myself and dont have a problem being myself. i realized this weekend what kinda of things i have accomplished and have the potential to accomplish. i feel like i am totally in my element when i am taking charge of something and being proactive. i want to my life to feel like that all the time!! i sick of just watching it pass by. its time to turn over a new leaf. if i can make it through i rest of the semester i could probably do anything...its like im surviving a free ride to hell. i think that next semester i will approach school with a very different attitude. thankfully for the better. its time to take care of myself. there's really no time to waste. i want to be what i can be. i'm sure that everyone is really happy to see that my life isnt nearly as bad as it was in the last few entries.

live life!!
love life!!

p.s.- allison: i just want to let you know that i had a dream and your brother dan was in it. he has his hair cut and was shaven. i think that my dreams are prophetic and that you should tell him that its meant to be hahahaa

p.s.s.- i think that my roommate has a serious psychological problem playing her computer games and talking to herself. it almost seems that she uses that in place of resal people to talk to. i think i found a case study ladies and gents hahhahaa

i starting to hate my life at school. things are so different than what i do at home it's becoming so depressing. i dont feel like i fit in at all. the people i am friends with are super gay and dont do anything on the weekends. i hate that when i am at home i have to sometimes choose which group of friends that i want to hang out with for a particular night and here i cant find one person that is available for me to call. i dont like being an outsider. i know that i shut myself down my first year here. i decided that the friends i had already were awesome and that they couldnt be replaced so i didnt go out and try to meet new people. that move is really kicking my ass right now. i am almost half way through college and i have no good memories with friends here to show from it. i hate having to feel sorry for myself, but i did this to myself. i could have been so much more social but i wasnt. when i do go out with some of my friends here i feel like people dont care to remember your name becuase you will only be in there life for a matter of hours. i didnt know i sucked so bad at making a good first impression. i feel like its too late to start trying to find myself a group to fit into becuase everyone has already found their place. i dont know what i am trying to prove here. i feel like its too late to start somewhere else, the same problem will probably still arise. i want to reinvent myself. i want to be the person that people to call to hang out. another thing that i feel seems to make me an outsider to a lot of people is the fact that i do not have a boyfriend. its become just another reason to count me out of certain gatherings and another way to make a girl feel really lonely. of course there are boys that i see and kinda meet, but i dont have the guts to actually start a real conversation with so they can get to know me as i get to know them. it really sucks just waiting for someone to sweep you off your feet. i think i am overlooking boys that are right in front of me because i am so god damn antisocial. i feel like i was meant to be here for some reason though that i just havent found yet. i need to not be so passive in my life. i need to find ways to live it. i want to be the person that people see me as when i am home and goofy and totally myself...because thats when i am the happiest. i hate that this phase in my life has lasted so long. i thought your high school and college years are supposed to be the best times in your life. high school was great, yes. and i'd give a lot to go back to some of those times that i miss. but college doesnt seem to be living up to its potential. i need to be able to go out and be myself with people who appreciate me more than my roommates. they just put me through hell and dont understand me and are so stuck in their ways that it makes me sick. i dont want to be a follower. i want to stand out and i want people to ask about me, who i am and why they arent my friend yet. i think that its time to adopt a new way of thinking about life. but it seems so hard to put into action. i feel like i need help, backup for the things that i want to accomplish. i dont think that many people here realize that i am unhappy. i think that they see me and someone who is busy and it would be bothersome for them to call me to do soemthing. the problem is..i dont know where to start. im soo lost here its ridiculous. the things that i am sure of, i have no idea how i am going to get them done. i think that i need to stop planning things out so much. i am missing things that are right in front of me..the present. i just want to know myself like i used to. im a stanger and i hate it. i never thought of myself as someone who defined themselves by their friends. but i guess when you have no friends to talk to in person things get a lot more complicated. i know that i am an indecisive person but i never knew myself to be someone who had so much doubt in themselves. i dont want to be that person anymore. i want to change. someone help me please!! i need a game plan!! i feel like the headlights arent on and i cant see which way the traffic is moving. but in this case is it better to be left in the dark??

i cant believe that i just ranted on so much. its soo hard to put it all into words that actually make sense. even what i wrote here doesnt do it justice.

live. (god i want to live.)
love. (by not living i think i'm missing out on some love.)

Date:	2007-03-29 22:34
Subject:	i cant stand my roommate!
Security:	Public
Mood:	frustrated
Music:	feist

did anyone ever tell you that you arent really that cute? its fucking annoying when you talk to yourself and your computer screen.if i only said what i really though of you..you would not know what to do because everyone puts you on a pedastal because of your naivety. im sick of it. i cant wait to be home. i feel like my friends from home are way more on my level. i dont have a place here. this is a stupid school with dumbass girls who survive on daddys money. i hope that they all have a rude awakening in the real world. damn, im cynical. i think i just really miss home. i cant wait to be finished with the bullshit that is college and really live my life. it's kinda sad to say but im sick of this in between stage. im ready for adulthood. i want to go out and fail in the real world. i want to have to worry about being able to pay the rent. all those things seem so much better than the life that i have now. maybe its becuase those things are objective, they will be things that i can count on. i hope that i am the person that people perceive me as becuase at the moment i have a somehwat distorted view of what i am supposed to be.

-katelyn marie o'hara

to be done with school and start life already.
i feel like there are so many things that i am missing out on because i go to a small school in a small town.it really sucks that i didnt realize that i was such a city girl until i came to college. i want my life i high school back when there were lots of people to hang out with and places to go. (or at least it seemed like that) this weekend in boston was awesome and i really wish that i could hang out with those people all the time because there wasnt any problems, no one was falling apart (i hate that a lot of my friends are falling apart and they are not the people that they want to be)....but when there are times to hang out with everyone around like the summmer no one wants to do anything. that makes me really sad. i wish that life was simpler.

so lets change this...lets plan a trip this summer!

on a happier note..this weekend was crazy fun, i think that this trip to boston will have to be an annual thing. even though 11 hours in a car to get there is insane, i was so happy to spend so much time with boys rather than girls with lots of drama and whine alot. that was a nice change. i kinda wish that i could live with guys instead. damn gender restrictions in colleges.

ps...my roommate definitely talks to herself A LOT..and when i say something about it she doesnt know what im talking about..what is that!!

live.
love.

-katelyn marie

i miss home already already and i have only been back at school for like an hour. i keep waiting for something to change here and its not happening. im in too deep here and now. oh well. time to countdown graduation.

Date:	2007-02-12 22:58
Subject:	give me a break...
Security:	Public
Mood:	disappointed
Music:	tegan and sara - living room

i think that i may go home for the weekend.
people are fake and melodramatic here.
i cant stand it.
on top of that, i'm sick.
i want my mommy.

Date:	2007-02-03 14:02
Subject:	this makes me sick....
Security:	Public
Mood:	annoyed
Music:	coheed and cambria

i dont understand why people want to be you so bad.
you preach on your soapbox as if you know the truths of life.
you have no idea what life is.
you have no idea who you are.
i know what you are.
i see through it.
you are a fraud.

you pretend to do something you are capable of doing.
live your life.

Date:	2007-02-01 15:55
Subject:	ever feel...
Security:	Public
Mood:	confused
Music:	lifehouse- quisimodo

like life was beginning to seem like its you against the world.
i think that it is the start of a tough time in my life for some unexplained reason.
school has never been this hard for me, and its not even the classes or the work with it. its more the people that are involved with school. i dont think that some of these people can fathom a world in which they are not the center. im sorry that i dont get everything handed to me on a silver plate like some of the spoiled pricesses here do. one of these days i will have the guts to tell them off without feeling bad about it. it will probably end up being something that will build up over time and then i wont be able to do it because there is no call for it anymore. i see the flaws in others, but why is it so hard to be able to see the flaws in yourself? maybe its because we rationalize too much. i want the comfort of knowing my flaws better than my qualities.
i think that i need some time to be able to evaluate my own values and beliefs. (maybe im the one who is being egocentric here.) i think that i need to know my limitations better and be able to voice it along with my opinions and ideas. also, i would like to be able to assert myself without coming off as a bitch rather than a leader.
i want to know that what i am doing in my life is right for me. sometimes i imagine what it would be like if i had picked a different school, or even hung out with different people while i am at school. am i missing opportunites with the minute decisions of my everyday life? its scary to think that i am this unsturdy. i want to be real, i want to be someone to look up to. maybe its too much for me to handle...or maybe i just have to look at them as long term goals.

anyways, i just i will be have to wait for a revelation.
live life. love as much as you can.

ps - i have never heard someone talk so much (to themselves) as much as my roommate does. what the hell is that about? its kinda funny sometimes, but annoying most of the time.

Date:	2007-01-03 18:43
Subject:	its a new year...
Security:	Public
Mood:	devious
Music:	saves the day

this new years eve was insane.
it may be a preview of what is to come this year.
dun dun dun.

i want to be home...

i'm sick of this immaturity

Date:	2006-11-30 14:57
Subject:	my hands are still shaking...
Security:	Public
Mood:	annoyed
Music:	rhcp - higher ground

im such a baby
i needed my roommate to put a bandaid on me when i cut my finger
im 18 years old and i cant survive a cut
cant wait till i am in labor...probably will pass out and puke first
oh man...